One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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