Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
