unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
