singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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