Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
