Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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