sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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