I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
