I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
