About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
