At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have post one night stand depression
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
