If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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