This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
