had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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