So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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