decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorry my hands just texted you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
