Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i think my tv is drunk
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
