He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
