WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
