I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
