I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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