I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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