in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
