she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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