I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
