those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This house was built for laser tag.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
