I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
