her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My nipple is on Facebook.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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