I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
