i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
