I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
