I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
