i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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