Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
