Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
