I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
