Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize