sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
