alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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