It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
