So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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