I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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