Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
