I wanna bring you to show and tell
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
