he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
