The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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