just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize