my vag is so smooth its legendary
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
