I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
