Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
