Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
40s are totally the cure
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize