It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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