4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
