You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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