All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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