so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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