whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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