I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
