discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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