U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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