Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
