Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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