My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
