his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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